SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In 2008, then presidential candidate John McCain alluded to the rise of a third political party. More recently, the cantankerous Arizona senator, also known in some circles as “He Who Shall Not Be Named...President,” has hardened his views on the inevitability of a three party system. McCain said: “All these big government federalists, they’ve done nothing for the people. Well, we’re fed up with feds and fancy-pants fat cats.”

Some pundits who share McCain’s vision believe the conservative Tea Party will produce a viable presidential candidate, but McCain disagrees: “That’s a movement, not a party. Nothing to get excited about. But then again, at my age, having a movement is cause for a party -- if you know what I mean.”

McCain said any new group that emerges must embrace the will and needs of the people in order to survive. “We’re talking Bill of Rights stuff, folks,” he explained. “It’s about Second Amendment freedoms, protecting your property and keeping degenerates from some other neighborhood off your damn lawn!”

McCain, the ranking Republican on the Senate Armed Services Committee, dispelled rumors of a possible split with the GOP, saying on Thursday he wouldn’t be taking the helm of what has since been coined the “Get Off My Damn Lawn” Party.

Apart from politics, napping, velocipede excursions, Home Shopping Network and writing checks at the market for gum, McCain is busy planning a 2012 expedition to discover the whereabouts of all his homes.

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.