BREAKING NEWS

Monday, December 31, 2012

Narrowly Surviving the Mayan Apocalypse, Millions of Americans Fear 2013 Won't Come without Dick Clark

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Dick Clark, the iconic personality behind "American Bandstand,"...

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Angry Letters Flood North Pole from Children Who Received Video Games Instead of Front Teeth

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Postal workers at the Anchorage, Alaska, distribution center...

Monday, December 24, 2012

Santa Claus Admits Questioning the Existence of Children

But does Santa believe in you? SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript)-- With just hours remaining...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Google and NORAD Say Competing Apple Maps Santa Tracker Will Ruin Christmas for Kids

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) has...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Elementary School Responds to Sandy Hook Massacre by Replacing P.E. with Counter-Terrorism Curriculum

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Residents of Bennington Vale, a conservative bedroom community...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Iranian Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei on Facebook, Now Friends with the Great Satan's Number One Social Network

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Iran banned the use of social media sites such as Facebook...

Saturday, December 15, 2012

America's Gun Related Deaths: Are We Asking the Right Question?

EDITORIAL: I have spent the last two days, for the legitimate press, covering the massacre that took place at an elementary...

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Day of Silence and Remembrance for Nation's Shooting Victims

EDITORIAL: The toll in the Connecticut shooting stands at 28 dead, including 20 children and the gunman, Connecticut State...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

John Travolta Uses Scientology 'Assist' to Heal Injured Man, Faces New Charges of Sexual Misconduct

Photo courtesy AP SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Emerging from the long shadow cast by...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Disgraced Homemaker Confesses Fruitcake Not World Famous

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- To Bennington Vale locals, homemaker Emmeline Kuchenkoch...

Monday, December 10, 2012

Tea Party Lawmakers Propose Travel Restrictions to Saint Nicholas' Tomb in Turkey for U.S. Citizens

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Conservative Tea Party lawmakers, attempting a definitive...

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

With Executive Bonuses Threatened, Citigroup Cuts 11,000 Workers to Save Leadership Jobs

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Amid the economic showdown between congressional Republicans...

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Letters to Santa Reveal Heartbreaking Hardships, Mostly from Disillusioned Conservatives

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The mountains of "Dear Santa" letters overtaking the back...

Friday, November 30, 2012

Congress Admits Gambling Millions on Powerball Jackpot, Fiscal Cliff Now Inevitable

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As the U.S. economy teeters on the precipice of the fiscal...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Medical Experts Support Jenny Johnson's Assessment of Chris Brown's Premature Aging

Lindsay Lohan, 26, prematurely aging SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Comedienne Jenny Johnson...

Friday, November 23, 2012

Walmart Begins Black Friday on Thursday, Over 20 Trampled to Death as Employees Rushed to Make Their Shifts

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The peaceful Southern California hamlet of Bennington Vale...

Historians Discover Thanksgiving Day Also Origin of 'Last Meal' Penal Tradition

"The first feast, so to speak, may also have been the nation's first Last Meal." -- Abel Wharfinger SAN NARCISO, Calif....

Thursday, November 15, 2012

United Blames Flight Delays on Computer Issues after Upgrading to Windows 8 and Apple Maps

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Shares in United Continental Holdings fell during morning...

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Petraeus Affair: Why Do the Powerful Cheat and Why Does Anybody Give a Crap?

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Findings from CERN's Large Hadron Collider made waves in...

Friday, November 9, 2012

CIA Director Petraeus Uncovers Own Affair after Finding Incriminating Emails He Sent to Woman

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- CIA Director David Petraeus, a retired four-star General,...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Campus Fire Result of Students Celebrating Guy Fawkes on Wrong Night, Not Staging Violent Obama Protest

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Hundreds of students from San Narciso College were arrested...

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Voting Rights

This is serious. Several districts throughout the nation have reported incidents of voter suppression, obstruction, and...

Monday, November 5, 2012

Why Every Real American Should Vote for Write-in Presidential Candidate F. Chester Greene

SPECIAL GUEST EDITORIAL (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- To those of you outside San Narciso County, Calif., who...

Friday, November 2, 2012

SAT Tests Receive Massive Overhaul to Better Assess College Readiness

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last week, Microsoft announced the official release of Windows...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Politically Theme Haunted House Attraction Closed for Being Too Scary

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- This year, the San Narciso County Chamber of Commerce was...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Romney Issued Storm Preparedness Tips, Criticized President for Abandoning Duties During Sandy

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Millions of Americans along the eastern seaboard are facing...

TV Networks Capitalize on Sandy, Forcing Captive Audiences to Watch Failing Shows in Desperate Ratings Boost Attempt

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Megastorm Sandy pummeled the Northeast Monday night, battering...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Outraged Evangelicals Call Mourdock's Apology for 'Divine Rape' Comments an Attack on God

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-Ind.) struggled to defend...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Reporters Find Romney and Obama's Debate Notes in Lynn University Dumpsters

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Tuesday night's restrained but still contentious presidential...

Monday, October 22, 2012

Italian Court Convicts Scientists for Failing to Predict Earthquakes, Cure Colds or Send Spaceships to Heaven

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- During the Roman Inquisition of 1615, a high court acting...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Romney's Coded Mormon Reference to 'Binders Full of Women' Freaks Out Polygamous Elders

Additional Reporting by Michael Livingston SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Former President...

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Female Tea Party Leaders Say Women are Evil, Filthy Demons Who Shouldn't be Allowed to Vote

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Janis Lane, leader of the Central Mississippi Tea Party,...

Monday, October 15, 2012

Romney Defends Conflicting Abortion Views and Investment in Medical-Waste Firm as Consistent with Economic and Pro-Life Recovery Plans

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As GOP presidential challenger Mitt Romney prepares to confront...

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Romney Seeks Tough U.S. Policy on China, Encourages Outsourcing to Eastern Europe and Mexico Instead

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Republican presidential challenger Mitt Romney pledged to...

Monday, October 8, 2012

Annual Southern California Columbus Day Event Canceled Over Controversies

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Today, many U.S. citizens observe the arrival of Christopher...

Friday, October 5, 2012

Russian PM Medvedev Meets with Zuckerberg to Discuss Facebook's Role in New Soviet Information Retrieval Agency

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev hosted an historic...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

First 2012 Presidential Debate: Least Exciting 90 Minutes of TV Since Helen Keller's 'What's My Line' Appearance

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The first of three crucial debates between President Obama...

Friday, September 28, 2012

Romney Drops in Polls as Voters Misunderstand Obama's Summons to Reject Extremism

Photo courtesy AP (c) 2012 SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Barack Obama on Tuesday...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Britain in Crisis as Pork Shortage Looms

"Millions will perish if we can't produce enough bacon to mask the disgusting flavor and rubbery texture of the common...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

FEC Filings Show Obama with Double the Campaign Staff at Same Cost -- Romney Announces Plans to Outsource

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Mitt Romney continues to face challenges on his uphill...

Friday, September 21, 2012

Man Mauled by Tiger in Bronx Zoo after Apple Maps Mistakes Cage for Restroom

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Despite the long lines, celebratory mood and overall contentment...

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Monty Python Actor Denies Allegations of Religious Hate Crimes

Terry Jones in "Life of Brian" 1979 SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Responding to the outrage...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Chick-fil-A Stops Funding Anti-Gay Groups, Chooses Almighty Dollar over The Almighty

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On July 18, Chick-fil-A COO Dan Cathy sparked an uproar when...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

British School Officials Defend Video Cameras in Bathrooms

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Wednesday of last week, privacy activists in the United...

Friday, September 14, 2012

U.S. Braces for More Religious Violence as 'The Master' Hits Theaters

Scientologists Could Declare Jihad and Attack Theaters over Offensive Film SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Write-in Presidential Candidate F. Chester Greene Knows What War is Good For: America

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the 2012 presidential election just weeks away, and...

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A Day of Silence and Reflection to Honor Those Lost

...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Surrounded by FBI Officials, BlueToad CEO Admits Apple IDs Stolen from His Company

ORLANDO, Fla. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- During the first week of September, AntiSec -- an offshoot of the...

Friday, September 7, 2012

Lars von Trier Promises Even More Disturbing Unsimulated Sex Scenes in Next Film 'Oedipus Wrecks'

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Danish director Lars von Trier is once again courting controversy...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Republicans Mock Obama's Planned 'Empty Chair' Routines at DNC

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As Paul Ryan made the campaign rounds Tuesday in Ohio, a...

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Arizona Prosecutes Woman for Self-Administered Abortion Under 'Pregnancy Begins Two Weeks Before Conception' Law

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- According to a new law signed by Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer...

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

GOP Convention's Mystery Guest Revealed: Ronald Reagan

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Rumors of a mystery speaker at the 2012 Republican National...
 
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