Unhappy Endings
"For the first hour the massage was without incident, other than [Travolta] kept purposefully sliding the towel down that covered his buttocks to reveal about half of gluteus area," the suit stated.
The massage therapist reminded Travolta that state law requires a client be fully draped during the session. When Travolta "started to rub Plaintiff's leg," he "thought it was accidental," the filing continued.
The lawsuit also described Travolta touching and grabbing the massage therapist's penis, followed by attempts to get the therapist to reciprocate. Unsuccessful, Travolta decided to mastubate himself before the helpless victim.
"This went on for over two hours," the plaintiff explained. "What would you have done in my situation? It's not like you can just leave the room and go home...unpaid."
Travolta's lawyers then argued that although their client may have groped the alleged victims' penises and attempted to touch their anuses, these actions were undertaken according to well-intentioned rituals of Scientology, Travolta's religion.
"Any Operating Thetan beyond level OT III, such as Mr. Travolta, understands his commitment to the progress of humanity," explained Bran Sertisford, lead defense attorney and fellow Scientologist. "It was obvious to my client that these masseurs were plagued by engrams -- trace memories of painful events that must be overcome before the subject can one day be cleared. Part of identifying those engrams and performing on-the-spot, emergency abreaction therapy is for a high level Operating Thetan like Mr. Travolta to probe the person's rectum with his index and middle fingers."
Sertisford also said that practitioners at level OT VII can detect clusters of hostile body thetans on men by gripping their genitals suddenly and thereby measuring the pure energy outputs.
"What you would call sexual battery or abuse, a devoted Scientologist would call helping out," Sertisford added indignantly. "We don't sue nuns for feeding the poor. We don't persecute rabbis for not eating pork. We don't shoot an acupuncturist for sticking us with pins. But this lawsuit is no different -- it's an attack on my client's right to honor and fulfill his religious obligations."
Alleviating the Straight Man's Burden
More importantly, Sertisford observed, Travolta's probings also served to detect the presence of suspected homosexuals -- a problem for conservative Americans and Scientologists alike. Hubbard argued in "In Science of Survival: Prediction of Human Behavior" that homosexuals should be segregated from the rest of society and institutionalized to prevent their illness from spreading to the rest of the population:
Such people (homosexuals) should be taken from the society as rapidly as possible and uniformly institutionalized; for here is the level of the contagion of immorality, and the destruction of ethics...No social order which desires to survive dares overlook its stratum 1.1's. No social order will survive which does not remove these people from its midst.
Sertisford said: "The beauty of Scientology is that it's a haven for self-loathing homosexuals who understand that to protect society, they must exile themselves from it. The list is extensive -- Nancy Cartwright, John Travolta, Beck, Juliette Lewis, Greta van Susteren, Edgar Winter and of course Tom Cruise. When they think they're near another self-hating queer, it's customary for them to perform these routine examinations. If the subject reacts positively -- by that, I mean gay -- then we try to persuade them to join Scientology and contribute to our search for the cure through a regimen of vitamins, castor oil, spiritual group masturbation, conditioned denial and a diet of manure from grain-fed bulls. If they don't cooperate -- well, think Rick Santorum. He could've been the next president if only he'd played ball."
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.