SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Mitt Romney continues to face challenges on his uphill battle toward the 2012 presidency. His staggering unlikability and open disdain for nearly half of America's citizens have made it difficult to entice the tax-dodging volunteers he desperately needs to run ground support for the campaign. Although he eventually clinched the GOP nomination, Romney's own party presented him with resistance and obstacles to overcome throughout the process. He's spent over five months ramping up his staff to match the colossal operation President Obama organized across the nation. Now, the GOP challenger seems to have caught up, but only by monetary standards. Romney spent $4.04 million on payroll, closely approaching Obama's $4.37 million, according to statements filed with the Federal Election Commission last week. But while Obama's cash bought him 901 workers, Romney managed only 403. The figures would seem to lend credence to Obama's claims of creating jobs, which in this case doubled the number of positions filled by Romney. Demonstrating the strategic business thinking for which he is famed, Romney one-upped the president Tuesday by announcing his intentions to outsource a number of his campaign's call center and mass mailing positions to lower-cost contractors in India and China.

Research conducted by the Los Angeles Times shows the median salary for Romney workers to total $77,250 per year. Top officials also received $207,500 in bonuses, a Swiss chalet, a pony and a trip to a bondage club hosted by former RNC Chairman Michael Steele.

"I think this demonstrates the president's complete lack of business savvy and understanding of how our free market is supposed to work," Romney said. "He's gone out there to the 47 percent of people who don't pay taxes, live on welfare and refuse to contribute, and he's given them low-paying, menial temp jobs. Well, that's not helping the economy. Just like Census workers, they'll be back on the breadline soon enough. Plus, these are government positions; President Obama is in charge of the government. We don't need any more pork, we don't need an expansion of government. He's actually taking jobs away from dutiful but unemployed private citizens, many of whom lost their livelihoods during his socialization of Wall Street."

Romney's leaner campaign, he explained, illustrates what the U.S. business landscape would look like under his administration: true economic stimulus through higher-wage positions for Americans who are willing to work hard to get an Ivy League education, climb the corporate ladder and stop relying on entitlement programs or federal handouts.

"These are the opportunities available to all the nation's people, if they're willing to make the effort," Romney added. "The president wants unemployed Americans to settle for less, to just take any job that comes their way. How will that help their families?"

Romney did admit that higher salaries require a greater influx of revenue: "You know in business, profits trickle down. When they don't, employee pay drops below acceptable standards of living."

Borrowing from successful strategies during his tenure with Bain Capital, Romney announced plans to offshore certain campaign positions to India and China, including call center telemarketers, bumper sticker printers, janitors, landscapers, horse trainers and the entire women's advocacy and outreach group. Romney described those roles as demeaning to most Americans. "They simply won't accept them," he emphasized.

By outsourcing to developing nations, Romney secures the tireless campaign staff he requires for pennies on the dollar. As a result, the remaining in-country resources will be guaranteed salaries above prevailing American wages and job security in fluctuating economic conditions.

Registered Republicans have already begun receiving their first calls from outsourced campaign workers who, in heavy and sometimes unintelligible accents, urge voters to protect American jobs and rebuild the nation's struggling local economies by supporting Mitt Romney.

(c) 2012. See disclaimers.