SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although temperatures are climbing back into the upper 70s and lower 80s -- the cool winter weather Californians are accustomed to -- January has been an unusually frosty affair, with daytime highs barely reaching the 60s. Yes, this brutal winter has hit the Southland hard. Hipsters say they’ve been forced to knit beard warmers. Beachgoers have resorted to wearing sarongs and hoodies. And many homeowners have confessed to firing up their jacuzzis, months before spa season. It was especially frigid on January 7 when locals packed the Bennington Vale Chick-fil-A to escape the cold for a spell. These diners were soon joined by a disheveled man -- clearly one of the homeless bankers from Hobo Gardens, the county’s “extro-urban” transient community. But Chick-fil-A, to the wide grins and approving nods of every patron in the restaurant, honored its Christian values by providing the hungry man with a free meal -- and then promptly wrested it from his grubby hands after identifying him as gay.

According to diners, the man who entered the store was unkempt and wearing inappropriate clothes -- a rainbow colored sweater, old flip-flops and fraying denim jeans.

“It was obvious to everyone that the guy had come from Hobo Gardens or off the interstate near the North Viaduct area, which is super sketchy,” said Zachary Butterfield, 19, the assistant manager of the Chick-fil-A. “Some people come in from time to time -- nothing designer on them, like used stuff from a Walmart or Ross -- so you kind of know.”

As it turned out, Butterfield’s assumption was correct. The man revealed his plight when he asked to help out with chores or perform some work in exchange for food. Butterfield said he couldn’t let an unwashed and possibly diseased indigent handle any of the restaurant’s equipment or ingredients, but rather than tossing the man back to the cold streets without a morsel in his belly, Butterfield invited him to enjoy a complimentary chicken sandwich with waffle fries and a beverage.

When Butterfield personally delivered the meal, he noticed the transient rubbing his hands together for warmth.

“In this kind of weather, like around 59 or 60 degrees, your hands start shaking and your fingers freeze up,” Butterfield said. “I worried what might happen to this guy without gloves, especially at night when the temperatures can drop into the 40s.” So Zachary ran back to the office, fetched his own gloves and gave them to his guest.

The touching scene inspired customers to snap pictures, record videos and post about the encounter on their social networks, which led to the story going viral throughout San Narciso and neighboring communities.

But that wasn’t the end of tale. As the man finished his food, he thanked Butterfield profusely for his generosity: “It’s hard enough being in this situation, but as an openly gay man in a very conservative area, nobody would even let me into their establishments, let alone serve me food.”

Witnesses said Butterfield looked stunned, frozen in place, but quickly sprang into action as the homeless homosexual stepped outside the doors. Zachary grabbed the man, cursed his unclean and aberrant lifestyle choices, and then administered a violent sort of Heimlich maneuver until the abomination disgorged the food it had eaten. One Chick-fil-A representative reached for comment described this set of actions as a common practice in the company, informally known as an “exorcism.”

Paula Shawnery, a frequent customer, said the scene brought her to tears: “I was sobbing when Zach fed that poor creature, but the waterworks really kicked in when he tackled him outside. I was so appreciative for what Zach had done, and I’m going to use his example as a teaching moment for my son.”

Zachary Butterfield said other patrons expressed similar adulation, which he called a truly humbling experience.

“It all comes from the Cathy family and the principles Chick-fil-A has been established on,” Butterfield explained. “To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come into contact with Chick-fil-A, who aren’t heathens or queers.”

Shawnery enthusiastically agreed. “It’s a different culture than most places. Within Chick-fil-A, you have the freedom to be that kind of person -- a person who stands strong in the grace of Christ to defy filthy, godless, child-molesting, puppy-kicking, dope-shooting, flesh-eating sodomites bent on the destruction of the American family, decency and taste.”

In July 2012, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy outraged the LGBT community when he posted a controversial response to the gay marriage debate on his blog: “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.’ And I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.” Cathy went on to arrogantly define marriage as between a man and a woman.

Later that week, he held a press conference to clarify Chick-fil-A’s stance as maintaining the sanctity of marriage based on biblical doctrines, not merely opposing laws enacted to let “demonic sodomites copulate with impunity.”

Two months later, however, Cathy reversed his position and announced that Chick-fil-A would cease funding all organizations working to oppose same-sex marriage, choosing the almighty dollar over the Almighty’s hatred of gays.

“Going forward, our intent is to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena,” Cathy wrote to the advocacy group Civil Rights Agenda (CRA).

“Whether gays have the right to wed is a different argument than whether they will go to Heaven, which we know they won’t,” the letter continued. “The voters will decide the fate of their marital status. God will determine when they get AIDS, perish after terrible suffering and pain, and burn for eternity in Hell, where poorly coiffed women in last season’s shoes will flay the skin from their roasting corpses while singing Broadway tunes off key and misquoting the lyrics. We hope our customers take solace in knowing we have not betrayed our belief in the values of Christ’s teachings or his divine love for all his straight children.”

2015. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.