SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Mike Pence is experimenting with a new PR approach to downplay Trump’s derogatory views on women: redirect all questions to terrorism. On Friday, reporters spoke to the vice presidential candidate about his running mate’s misogynistic behavior. An 11-year-old girl, they said, confessed her pain over Trump’s disrespectful comments about women, which the GOP nominee has brushed off as “locker room” banter. Pence responded by assuring the girl, and women everywhere, that the Trump campaign is committed -- committed to ending terrorism. Having no arrows in his quiver with which to protect Trump’s ruined reputation, Pence adopted a new strategy of pivoting to remarks about national security. We interviewed the candidate to learn more about the campaign’s shift in focus. Following is a transcript. (Note: Representatives for Pence vehemently denied his participation in the conversation).

Trump’s Shameful Compulsion to Shame Women

A tenth woman has now confessed that Donald Trump sexually assaulted her during a job interview. Apprentice contestant Summer Zervos was invited to discuss a potential job opportunity with Trump’s business when, she alleged, he began kissing her, groping her and rubbing his genitals against her without consent. When she reluctantly accepted the position, she discovered that the quoted salary had been slashed in half, possibly in retaliation to her thwarting Trump’s advances.

Trump’s predatory nature, his demeaning comments toward women and his flagrant body shaming have demoralized the nation’s female population, regardless of age. This was tragically evident in the comments of a young girl, as posed to Gov. Pence by WBNS-TV journalist Scott Light in Ohio.

“When I hear those words and look in the mirror, they make me feel bad about myself,” the girl explained. Pence avoided a direct answer by criticizing the weak stance that Hillary Clinton and President Obama have taken toward international terror organizations.

Bennington Vale Evening Transcript reporters contacted Pence, who sheepishly agreed to our request for an interview, saying, “Why not. What more can the Lord ask of me? How much lower can I possibly sink?”

A Fraught Discussion with Mike Pence

BVET: Thank you for taking time from your busy apology tour to address the concerns many women voters have expressed.

PENCE: Just to clarify, this is a community publication, correct? No affiliation with national media?

BVET: Great to hear that you’re doing well. It’s no secret that your running mate has rattled a lot of cages with his callous comments about women. When young girls take this locker room talk to heart, how do you assure them that your administration will respond to their needs?

PENCE: Women are living in a very difficult time, and the current leadership in this country bears much of the blame -- Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, in particular.

BVET: In what way?

PENCE: Let’s look at Michelle Obama. She’s devoted eight of years of her husband’s presidency to body shaming. She redesigned the food pyramid. She’s gone into schools and imposed rigid nutritional guidelines. She’s traveled around the country to force kids to exercise. Not only is she upsetting the delicate balance between personal choice and government regulation, she’s sending a hurtful message to young girls that they’re fat, ugly and undesirable. “You need to work out,” she says. “You need to eat vegetables,” she demands. And what do women hear? “You’re a disgusting pig and no man will ever love you.” That’s why we have an abortion epidemic in the United States.

BVET: Eh, okay. What about Mr. Trump’s opponent in the election?

PENCE: Hillary Clinton’s feckless and timid foreign policy as Secretary of State opened the floodgates for ISIS. This organization’s members are Islamic extremists who practice a dangerous doctrine of Sharia law. Women are subjugated, tortured, sexually abused, forced to cover themselves and even killed. This group is on the verge of taking over the free world and spreading their ideals. Mrs. Clinton, a woman ironically, is facilitating this filth. If we want our ladies and young girls to be safe and treated fairly, we need to stop ISIS. That’s precisely what Donald Trump and I intend to do.

BVET: October 11, just a few days ago, was Day of the Girl. It’s a national event that recognizes the need to empower girls, encourage their equality and prepare them for leadership roles in life. How would you say the Trump campaign will help them achieve these goals?

PENCE: I’m not familiar with that holiday. I thought it had something to do with National Coming Out Day (chuckles). I agree, we need to prepare our youth for the future. But let me ask you this: what kind of future will they inherit? One with terrorists running loose through the streets of Indiana? One where they’ll be required to wear burkas in school? One where the national anthem is “La Cucaracha” and the cafeteria serves nothing but tacos? This is the dystopia Donald Trump and I are fighting to prevent.

BVET: We keep hearing about young women with poor self-esteem and image issues, who claim that Donald Trump’s demeanor and insensitive words have influenced these perceptions. What would you tell them?

PENCE: I’d tell them that sticks and stones can break their bones, along with suicide bombs and improvised explosive devices, but names can never harm them.

BVET: In your debate with Tim Kaine, your sentiments on faith exposed a clear opposition to a woman’s right to choose. Is that a correct interpretation of your position?

PENCE: I absolutely support a woman’s right to choose -- to decide not to have an abortion, to choose a Christian God and to vote for a president who will tirelessly defend her freedoms from an encroaching horde of foreign invaders. Hillary Clinton’s obvious support for ISIS is a choice against choice. If we don’t act now and suppress the power of ISIS, our women will no longer have the luxury of options.

BVET: Donald Trump will be forced to testify in a child rape case this December. It’s a more problematic public relations hurdle than the allegations he’s already facing. What are your projections for the outcome of the trial?

PENCE: If Donald Trump loses the case and goes to prison, who will defeat ISIS?

BVET: Let me rephrase that. Can you describe how your campaign will overcome Mr. Trump’s candid boasts about non-consensual sexual encounters, flat out sexual assaults and other predatory characteristics of a sexual nature?

PENCE: We need to destroy ISIS.

BVET: Well, thank you for your time this afternoon, Gov. Pence. It’s been enlightening.

PENCE: ISIS.

(c) 2016. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.