SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last Friday, the United Nations Security Council unanimously passed Resolution 2334, which denounced Israel’s construction of Jewish settlements on the West Bank as a “flagrant violation” of international law. President-elect Donald Trump joined the chorus of castigation, promising his support to Israel after taking the oath of office in January. He followed up with a bizarre and confusing statement explaining the importance of an independent Jewish state to America: “Murderous Jews facilitated Jesus’ resurrection, they’re pushing Muslims into the sea where they belong, and I’d rather have them living in their own country, especially since they control Hollywood and celebrities won’t perform at my inauguration party.”

A Tough Call: Trump Despises Jews Less Than Muslims

Resolution 2334, in addition to rebuking Israel, also urges Palestinian leaders to take “immediate steps to prevent all acts of violence against civilians, including acts of terror” that have arisen during the long-standing dispute over Israel’s continued installation of Jewish settlements along the West Bank and East Jerusalem.

Conspicuously missing from the conversation was the United States; the outgoing Obama administration abstained from voting to block passage of the resolution. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu assailed the United States with a blistering condemnation, accusing Obama of engineering the U.N. action and sabotaging an historic alliance.

Departing Secretary of State John Kerry sharply criticized Israel’s misrepresentation of the United States’ failure to veto the resolution. Since 2013, Kerry has worked to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict through the promotion of a two-state solution. The divide, however, is more religiously ideological than political. Israel is primarily Jewish. Palestine boasts a nearly 100-percent Sunni Islamic population. Israel’s placement of settlements on the contested border has exacerbated tensions and hobbled the peace process for both countries.

“If the choice is one state, Israel can either be Jewish or democratic, it cannot be both, and it won’t ever really be at peace,” Kerry said Wednesday at the State Department. Moving to veto the U.N. resolution, while amenable to Israel, would have demonstrated a profound bias against Palestine’s claims, leading to an inevitable dismantling of years of peacekeeping progress.

How the Jews Stole Christmas

In two Twitter posts on December 28, Trump lashed out at Obama’s refusal to take sides with Israel. “We cannot continue to let Israel be treated with such total disdain and disrespect. They used to have a great friend in the U.S., but.......” Trump wrote, “not anymore. The beginning of the end was the horrible Iran deal, and now this (U.N.)! Stay strong Israel, January 20th is fast approaching!”

Netanyahu responded with warm sentiments. He praised Trump’s friendship and courage. As the New York Times reported: “Wednesday’s comments repeated Mr. Trump’s assertion that American policy toward Israel will change drastically once he replaces Mr. Obama in the Oval Office. Last week, the president-elect described the United Nations as a ‘club for people to get together, talk and have a good time.’”

Trump’s remarks about the United Nations as a cantina during happy hour underscore his strange attitude toward the Israeli situation.

“I’m very disappointed in the U.N.’s decision,” Trump explained. “Very sad. Terribly sad. It’s a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad thing. The U.N. should be like a conference room where directors get together, joke around, check out the hot receptionists, maybe grab some p***y and eat the mushy, undercooked, gray blobs of fried dough that pass for doughnuts at Trump Tower Grille. It’s the place where visiting foreigners belong. Just like Israel is where Jews belong. Not here.”

“That’s why we need to block this resolution,” he added. “If the Jews don’t stop breeding and building Jewish places for their spawn, they may have nowhere else to go. That means they’ll move back to Europe and America, taking over banks and movie studios and everything else they can get their grubby cash-hungry hands on.”

To many observers, Trump’s initial support of Israel conflicted with his overt anti-Semitism. The president-elect’s alt-right fans expressed confusion and disbelief with their champion’s reversal on the Jewish problem. Trump’s harsh rhetoric has not been exclusive to Latinos, Muslims, immigrants, African Americans, women, LGBTQ people or the disabled.

Trump’s final campaign ad, for example, depicted powerful Jewish financial figures such as George Soros, Janet Yellen and Lloyd Blankfein as “people who don’t have your good in mind.” He told Republicans that Jewish investors would refuse to endorse him because he did not want their money.

Trump has also clearly aligned himself with Nazi sympathizers and extreme Christian groups that reject Jews as the slaughterers of their savior. He has shared tweets of phony statistics put forth by White Supremacists, quoted Mussolini, enlisted the aide of Steve Bannon who, among other things, called conservative journalist Bill Kristol a “renegade Jew,” and he has even posted images of a Star of David perched atop piles of money. Trump’s litany of anti-Semitic posturing led the Washington Post to declare, “Anti-Semitism is no longer an undertone of Trump’s campaign. It’s the melody.”

Now, however, allies of the incoming chief executive should have their concerns allayed. Trump’s boisterous attacks on the U.N. resolution would seem to remain aligned with his core beliefs. A statement released Wednesday by Trump representatives, and approved by Bannon, clarified the administration’s position.

Friends, we just finished another War on Christmas. As my role model Henry Ford wrote in the 1920s, the Jews have been staunch opponents in the celebration of the messiah’s birth -- probably because they worked so hard to organize his death. For almost 100 years, they’ve tried to ban Christmas carols in schools, and they’ve fought to have Christmas trees removed from public buildings. Today we see atheists, Muslims and a bunch of other degenerates joining their war effort. But Jews have an important place in this world. That place is Israel. There, they can push out the filthy Muslims who have grown to become full-fledged terrorists -- the kind who take down financial institutions with planes, not take over financial institutions with shrewd Hebrew finagling. There, the Jews have their own home, where they can wear their silly clothes, eat disgusting pickled fish and practice their unholy denial of Jesus as Lord.

Yet without the Jews, we wouldn’t have Jesus. He was, I’ve been told, a Jew once. That was before he realized how evil they were and converted to Christianity. And without these kosher killing machines (no wonder so many end up as deli butchers), our king never would have risen from the grave they stuffed him in like a honey baked ham. They nailed him to a couple of pieces of wood. Who does that? It was an excruciating, slow and gruesome way to die. It was humiliating and vile. Victims of crucifixion hung naked and were forced to defecate and urinate on themselves in front of crowds who gathered to watch them die. Their miserable hate and treason against one of their own, while unsurprising, provoked God’s wrath against them and led to the birth of our savior.

We carry our crosses proudly to remind us of the Jews’ treachery and why we need to do everything we can to keep them confined in their own land. Like a camp, you know, outside Christendom, where they can concentrate on their own perversions and power struggles.

(c) 2016. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.