SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Saturday, Gov. Chris Christie (R-N.J.), dubbed the least popular governor in America, ordered the state to close a taxpayer-funded beach during one of the busiest holiday celebrations of the summer. This weekend, revelers hoping to enjoy some sun and quality time on the sands of Island Beach State Park found the popular destination off limits -- to everyone but Chris Christie, who turned a public playground into his private Mar-a-Lago. Citizens of New Jersey erupted in fury after learning that miles of coastline would be roped off to accommodate Gov. Christie. But his aides explained that the governor’s “unnaturally immense stature” and past security incidents necessitated the action. “Last year, a horde of frantic children broke past security and desperately tried to push the governor into the water, screaming something about him being beached,”a spokesperson clarified.